Title: Beautiful Failure
Author: Mariah Cole
Genre: New Adult Romance
Expected Release Date: December 12, 2013
YouTube Video Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
If you're looking for a heartwarming story about a girl who falls deeply in love with a troubled boy who changes her life— a sob story with pretty metaphors and a million ways that'll tell you how "broken" she is, STOP. Don't read another word of this.
I'm not that type of girl.
My name is Emerald Anderson and I'm not going to bullshit you: I flunked out of college after my sophomore year, I've been fired from every job I've ever taken, and I've never had a fully functioning relationship in my life.
I wish I could say that I had a cheerleader in my corner, someone who says, "No, Emerald—You're great and you are good at something!" but I don't. My grandparents are completely oblivious to my life, and my mother's dying words to me were "You're going to end up just like me one day. A beautiful nothing."
She was right.
As I decide to start my life over and take two jobs that will forever change me--one from the inside, and one from the outside, I keep my mother's words close to my heart so I can keep the sexy and mysterious Carter Black away.
He's the first man who's ever pursued me, the first man who seems bent on finding out why I am the way I am, but he's wasting his time.
I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed. I'm perfectly fine being a beautiful failure..
I'm not that type of girl.
My name is Emerald Anderson and I'm not going to bullshit you: I flunked out of college after my sophomore year, I've been fired from every job I've ever taken, and I've never had a fully functioning relationship in my life.
I wish I could say that I had a cheerleader in my corner, someone who says, "No, Emerald—You're great and you are good at something!" but I don't. My grandparents are completely oblivious to my life, and my mother's dying words to me were "You're going to end up just like me one day. A beautiful nothing."
She was right.
As I decide to start my life over and take two jobs that will forever change me--one from the inside, and one from the outside, I keep my mother's words close to my heart so I can keep the sexy and mysterious Carter Black away.
He's the first man who's ever pursued me, the first man who seems bent on finding out why I am the way I am, but he's wasting his time.
I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed. I'm perfectly fine being a beautiful failure..
PROLOGUE -
*subject to change before publication*
My mother was a whore.
Her name was Leah Isabelle Anderson—“Leah Belle”
for short, and she was one of New Jersey’s most sought after escorts.
With deep green eyes that could take any man’s
breath away, and skin so porcelain and smooth that it looked too perfect to
touch, she was breathtakingly beautiful. Often compared to a supermodel, her
raven black hair fell past her shoulders, and her naturally long eyelashes were
always coifed to perfection.
Growing up, I had no idea what she did with the
men who picked her up in their shiny and expensive cars—the men who wore
thousand dollar suits and patted me on the head while saying, “Your mom is
really something special.”
In a way, these strangers became the closest
thing I had to a family since I never knew my father: Her regulars, Christian
and William, sent me gifts every Christmas. Arnie bought me my first bike,
Steve taught me how to change a tire, and her most ruthless suitor—Vincent,
took me shopping for designer clothes once a month.
Leah Belle—she never ever let me call her
“mom,” wasn’t exactly a mother to me; she was more like an older friend.
An older ‘I’ll-be-there-when-it’s-convenient’ friend.
She missed every elementary school play, every
middle school writing competition, and never gave a damn about my grades. At
first, the involuntary loneliness bothered me, but after I created an army of
invisible friends and easily accessible fantasies, I came to terms with her
neglect and happily accepted any attention she was willing to give me.
When I became a teenager, she started to hang
around me more often—promising that she would do better, promising that she
would make sure that “from here on out, [we’d] be best friends.” Since
she’d run away from her parents after having me at sixteen, she made a point to
never lecture or discipline me. But, she did teach me three very important
lessons:
1.) “Always put tons of effort into the way you
look. You need to be beautiful on the outside, no matter how fucked up you are
on the inside. If you ever feel sad or depressed, suck that shit up and add
more mascara.”
2.) “Don’t make friends. Make sponsors. If
you can’t get anything out of someone or use them for a specific purpose, kick
that person out of your life ASAP.”
3.) “Beauty wins over brains every time. Your
body will always be your most important asset. Remember that.”
For my fourteenth birthday, she poured me my
first shot and offered me a short line of coke, saying, “Welcome to life, Em!”
I shook my head at the coke—I’d read about the
effects, but I happily took the red shot glass from her hand.
“To the best fuckin’ daughter in the world!” She
lifted her glass in the air, waiting for me to do the same, and then she
ordered me to toss it back.
The initial burning sensation was
painful—disgusting, but in the years to come, that bitterness tasted better and
better, and I looked forward to the two of us drinking together. It was the
only time that she gave me her undivided attention.
In those moments, I would tell her about another
writing competition I’d won or how I’d received more early college
scholarships. When it was her turn, she would tell me about “turning tricks”
like other parents told their kids about a day at the office.
“I can’t tell you how weak Ben’s dick was today,”
she’d say. “I mean, I feel like I should be charging him double for the
weak ass fucks he puts me through.”
“You don’t enjoy it with him? Ever?” I’d
ask.
“No. Never with him. But he’s a sponsor, I’m
getting his money, and that’s all that matters. I just lie there, scratch his
back, and say ‘Harder… Harder’ to make him think I’m into it
until—”
“Until he cums?”
“Yep.” She’d pass me a cigarette before sighing.
“With him and a few others, I usually have to take a few shots beforehand to
numb my mind. With the really good ones, all I have to do is relax. Sex can be
fucking incredible when it’s done right…”
One particular Friday, after she let one of her
regulars take me shopping for a Chanel bag, I unlocked the door to our home and
saw droplets of blood all over the floor.
“Leah?” I set my shopping bag down. “Did you get
another nose bleed?”
No answer.
I headed into the kitchen, looking for her usual
remedies—hot tea and Q tips, but she wasn’t there.
“You here?” I walked around our living room and
checked all the rooms upstairs. Confused, I pulled out my cell phone and called
her.
No answer again.
I shrugged and opened a bottle of vodka, tossing
back a few shots. I figured she’d left with one of her sponsors for a quickie
and would be back by the time our favorite show started.
I decided to take a shower before it came on and
headed into the downstairs bathroom.
The second I hit the lights, my heart fell out of
my chest.
I wanted to believe that what I was seeing was
simply a sick joke by my imagination—a twisted fantasy I’d snap out of in
seconds.
Pale and blue, Leah’s body lay lifeless in our
tub. Her left arm was dangling over the edge, and the small velvet bag where
she kept her cocaine was dangling from her fingertips.
Scattered across the floor were hundreds of
prescription pills and empty orange bottles that bore the names of strangers.
On the vanity, there was an empty syringe and a folded note that read “For my
Em…”
Trembling, I rushed to her side and pressed my
finger against her neck, hoping for a pulse.
Nothing.
I tilted her head back and tried to breathe life
into her—pressing her chest with my hands every few seconds, but it was no use.
She was gone.
I sank down to the floor in tears—cursing her, hating
her, for doing this to me. To us.
I had no friends to call, no family either, so in
my numb and dazed state I somehow managed to call 9-1-1. While the operator
attempted to calm me down by asking me to take deep breaths, I walked over to
the vanity and unfolded Leah’s last note:
Em,
I know you’re confused right now, but I want you to know that I love
you. I love you so fucking much… You were the only thing that made my life
worth living, and I wish I was strong enough to keep that in mind…
I’m not.
I’m tired of living a lie and I haven’t been happy in a very long
time… I just can’t take it anymore…
I’ve fucked up a lot of things in my life, but the biggest regret I
have is the way I raised you…I’m so sorry… This is going to be hard for you to
believe—especially since I’m gone, but I need you to forget all that shit I
taught you. Right now.
Fuck using your looks to get what you want. Go to college and do some
good shit with your life, like write or something. You’re a good writer, you’re
very smart, and you need to use your brain to get ahead. Can you promise to do
that for me, Em?
Then again…It’s probably too late and I’m willing to bet that you’ll
end up just like me: A beautiful nothing…
It won’t be your fault though. It’ll be—
I stopped reading and flushed that note down the
toilet. Her last words were clearly written out of sadness and they were only
compounding my pain.
As far as I was concerned, Leah had raised me the
best she could and she was far from a “beautiful nothing” in my eyes. In fact,
I cherished every single thing she’d taught me.
Even though I was beyond hurt that she’d
selfishly left me all alone, I was determined to remember her at her best and
for everything she was to me:
My mother.
My best friend.
My role model.
No comments:
Post a Comment